Green Bean and Cherry Tomato Salad

Why, it’s another recipe.

Completely easy to make and looks awesome enough that you also look awesome due to your association with the awesomeness. Taste good also.

You will need:

  • Green beans – one handful per person
  • Cherry tomatoes – 125g per person (they come in little 250g pottles)
  • Fresh mint – half a handful per person
  • Balsamic vinegar
  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Crushed garlic (the kind in a jar pre-crushed is actually probably best)


  • One pot
  • One biggish bowl
  • A knife
  • One tiny bowl
  1. Put water in the pot and heat that motherfucker.
  2. While you’re waiting for it to boil, cut your beans mainly in half.
  3. Cut your cherry tomatoes in half also.
  4. Roughly chop up the fresh mint.
  5. In your tiny bowl, mix one tablespoon of balsamic, four tablespoons of olive oil, one teaspoon of garlic and most of the mint.
  6. Mix that shit in with the cherry tomatoes in your biggish bowl.
  7. The water’s boiling now. Salt it and put the beans in for two minutes – almost exactly.
  8. Pull them out. Don’t use your hand to do this. The water’s hot. What are you, stupid? Anyway, they’re nice and hot and also still crunchy.
  9. Mix it all together.
  10. Throw the little bit of remaining mint in for extra still-greenness.

Eat it warm or cold. I recommend warm. It’s crazy good and healthy to boot.

Avocado and Tomato Pasta

This is the easiest thing in the world to make, and now’s basically the season for it. It is also hell of healthy, on account of the tomatoes, olive oil, garlic and avocados. If you want to be cool and impress your friends, pronounce “avocados” ah-VOK-a-doss. This is an incorrect pronunciation, which displays your daring and lack of respect for convention and also The Man.

This recipe is stolen from Alison Holst. Can you believe that shit. Learning it was the only good thing that came out of flatting with these psycho hippies in Wellington who kicked me out after a few days when they learned I owned a laptop and a cellphone. I’ve cooked it too many times to count. It’s not even cooking. It’s just a summer sauce over pasta. But it makes you look like you can cook to the untrained eye. I have highlighted places where you can fuck up even this simple recipe in the instructions below.

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