How to enjoy watching Scott Pilgrim

Some people have been hating on Scott Pilgrim vs The World.

What I say to those people is fuck you. And also, learn to watch movies properly.

The correct manner in which Scott Pilgrim is to be enjoyed is sitting in big comfy chairs, with lots of airspace, drink a bottle of red throughout the film (I recommend the Stoneleigh Pinot Noir), and if you don’t find that you’re twitching in unison with each thwack and bam, maybe drink more. Something’s wrong with you.

Here are some more hints. Realise that Scott Pilgrim is actually a bit of a dick through most of the film. He’s a self-absorbed ineffectual cock who’s blatantly using a sweet teenage girl to make himself feel better about being dumped by his ex, who clearly kept his balls in a jar anyway, while cheating on her with a girl he became obsessed with after encountering her in a wet dream.

That’s why it’s so awesome when he starts kung-fu-fighting with Patel. And it is so awesome when Patel brings on the Infinite Bollywood Extreme attack. And it is fucking cool when he gets punched through a wall. It’s BAM BAM BAM KAPOW BAM.

The best video games are ones where you feel like you’re interacting with a movie. And this is a movie where you feel like you’re interacting with a video game. Story, fight, story, fight, story, fight, story, BOSS FIGHT! Fin.

I won’t even say “don’t expect more from it than that”, because you can’t get more than that, only different, and if you expected any different after seeing the trailer, which was all fight, fight, fight, then you’re a mental.


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